Changing priorities

I guess it is time to change our priorities.

I never thought we would be to the point where having our own biological children might not be an option for us. I don't think that I have taken this in completely or that I will ever be able to.

We have decided to take a break. I don't know if this will make it easier or harder to get through the day, but we both agree it is a necessity right now. We have decided not to commit to a time line, since we don't know how we will feel in the future. I can say that we will definitely not be trying for a while. The last year and a half has taken more out of me than I ever knew existed in me. I feel like I am left with so much pain and emptiness that I need to build myself up before we could possibly be emotionally ready for another pregnancy. I am worried that I won't be able to handle "not trying." It is so hard to see all the pregnant women and new mom's around me and knowing that we are taking a break will be hard. I know that I could not handle losing another baby so taking a break is really our only option.

We are going to just take it one day at a time and change our priorities. I made a new list of goals this week and am hoping that focusing on these will help me through the next few months. I am going to start working out again once I am feeling physically better, get back to my healthy eating, run a 5k in May and maybe even a half marathon in the fall, spend more time with my husband and concentrate on our marriage, plant a garden, finish painting the inside of our house, finish our wedding scrapbook (3 years later), paint more, take a fun class, and lots of other home improvement projects.